oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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