this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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