One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.