The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
