she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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