Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You are the jesus of drinking
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.