her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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