I seem to have left my pride at pride
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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