Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.