The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
