Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny