it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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