we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
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We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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