I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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