Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
