yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize