I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
