just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
