I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
