haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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