omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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