God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
