I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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