Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
