I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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