we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
