Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
