Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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