pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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