I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
