I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
