Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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