Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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