yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
