you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
