I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
