I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
