my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The air was thick with penises
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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