Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
