She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
