this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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