moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
