YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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