Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
