the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
