What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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