Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
