Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
