A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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