new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
