You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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