she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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