im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
