Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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