FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
