i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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