3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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