Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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