just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
