you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
