why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
