So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
