Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
