i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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