Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
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Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
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I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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