Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
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I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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