Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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