So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
