bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize