She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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