Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
