This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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