Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
