dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
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Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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