I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
