he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
