I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
