jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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