rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
