You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
