he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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