hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
