Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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