I am puke
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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