If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
