i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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