Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize