There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
