I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
