Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
