so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
